She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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