TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
