Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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