dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
