A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
