Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
