I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Enjoy the penises
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
