either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
