Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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