I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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