dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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