You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
