my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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