Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
