it hurts more in the daytime
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
