Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
