She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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