And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
