Sry I called you an 8
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
