I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
