I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize