i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
