just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
