What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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