Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How many fucks given?
0.12846
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
