god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
