He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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