awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
