and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
