if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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