What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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