we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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