I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he just fucked me for my cheese..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
