I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it glows. i had to have it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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