I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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