Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
