Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
