Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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