so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
