I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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