i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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