I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize