There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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