have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
