I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
