$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
