i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am available for nakedness
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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