So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
