he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
