It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
