he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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