She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
