I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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