Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
