i think my tv is drunk
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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