a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
