It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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