then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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