Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
