margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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