you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
