Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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