Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
