pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
