Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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