I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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