I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
