When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
