He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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