So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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