Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
