So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
