They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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