Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
