I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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