Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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