I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
