Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
