You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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