It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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