i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Life without a bra equals bliss.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
