I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
